To Go Or Not To Go?

We are now a month into our journey and I feel like I have a little bit of time to reflect on everything that has transpired in the last 12 weeks.

I am currently sitting on my couch in Hanoi, next to Jett who is fresh out of the shower and having some quiet time before bed. If you had told me a year ago that we would be here I would of laughed, or maybe I would of thought please god I hope you are right, anything has to be better than the constant feeling of soul crushing depression.

I had been working for a local company, same old same old, Jett was at school and Jesse worked away.

We worked, went to school cleaned, cooked, did washing, argued about money, attempted to have a conversation and then went to sleep. Day in and day out. I couldn’t figure out why some days I didn’t want to get out of bed, why some days the act of getting dressed seemed unbearable, why sometimes I just couldn’t shake the funk, why my husband and I were not talking about anything outside the mundane.

I remember wondering if I would be happy doing what I was currently doing for the rest of my life. The answer was no.

Broaching the subject with Jess was simple, he wasn’t happy either, he was tired of always being away and not having quality time with Jett. Every time he was around they would bicker because they were not used to each other, the energy in the house would feel off and I would look forward to when he left again. Seemed a sad excuse for a father son relationship and a husband wife relationship.

We talked and talked about it, we didn’t know where we wanted to go, we just wanted to leave. But we were both hesitant to make the decision and act on it, not just because of the tenuous state of our relationship but also because it would mean pulling Jett out of school and taking him away from his friends and everything he knew.

But the more we weighed it up the more we realised we had to do it. What we currently were doing wasn’t working so we really didn’t have much to loose. We realised the worst outcome would be failing miserably, returning to Australia and separating. Seeing as things were so crap anyway it was a risk were were willing to take.

When we made the decision and began to sell everything it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Each time another item left the house I felt a little bit lighter.

There was still days of stress, planning insurance, where to go, what to do in terms of living arrangements once we got there, how long we wanted to stay for, where after that, winding up everything in Australia, letting family and friends know. People kept asking if I was excited but I was so bogged down in getting shit done to leave I didn’t find myself getting excited until a few days before.

The day that we moved out of our house and into our friends place with our backpacks was exhilarating. It was a journey in itself to purge of all the things you think you need to be happy. Even now I find myself chucking things out, things I though I had to have while I travelled but it turns out, not so much.

One month in and the path continues to open out in front of us, my gut is telling me we are right where we are meant to be.

There is a sense of peace and happiness between the 3 of us. Jess and Jett are spending quality time together every day, learning about each other and becoming friends. Jess and I are looking at each other, REALLY looking at each other, smiling at each other, talking to each other instead of at.

There is laughter.

There is love.

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~ by Sam on August 24, 2015.

2 Responses to “To Go Or Not To Go?”

  1. Beautiful and Brave you are sweet Sam 💜
    I watch you thru Facebook with admiring eyes and smile with delight at all your updates and photos. I have a very good friend holidaying in Vietnam for the last 3 weeks, so both your updates and photos bless my news feed each few days.
    Ironically, Thailand has been my dream destination for many years, and one I’d really hoped I’d do this particular year, having turned 40. However it’s not come about, however I can live vicariously through you and others, and belive from your story that everything and anything is possible. JUST DO IT!!
    With all my love, enjoy every moment my hon
    Love Tash xxx

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